"Because in Cyberspace, no one can hear you scream."
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
"O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee."
--> Daysman, you know my faults. You know the errors of my ways. I create foolishness and lead others into foolish actions. I have errors and have led others astray by my actions. I have diminished others and yet you have used me. I am nothing positive, but you take my negative and mold it into something effective. You have chosen me, I did not choose you. Help me to walk in your paths and your ways. Selah.
"I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother's children."
--> My convictions are changing. My convictions of life have been altered. Is there a home for me Daysman? Do I have a place to lay my head? This campus is no longer home, and neither is where my family resides. We have different philosophies, different standards and yes different goals. They are spliting us apart. Shall I trod this path alone Daysman? Will I ever find rest in this life? Why do I have to take a different route? What gain will I have from this journey? I feel so seperate from here. Shall I walk this planet without a comrade or companion?
"When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach."
"I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them."
--> Destiny can be a lonely place. I am not sure why I even chose this path. I have abstained myself from the desires of the flesh, as well as common enjoyments of life, and I find that I feel no longer invited to parties or celebrations of life. I smile on the outside and decline offers and my friends look upon me as strange. Am I strange? Is this wise? What gain has this for me Daysman? Is it worth missing out on conversations, and common discussions? I don't know anymore. I would go back to them but I find them increasingly...vain. Is this my fate? To walk this road? This road to reality?
"I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving."
"The humble shall see this, and be glad: band your heart shall live that seek God."
--> But I will still praise your name Daysman. You have revealed much unto me and have yet more to show. I will glorify your name, for you have brought clarity out of my life. You have removed the haze out of my eyes and have exposed me towards the real world. Your world. How you see things and not man, and how you hear things and not man, and how you feel about things. They are so different than my own perspective. Selah.
--> If I have to lay down my life for your glory, if I have to place my desires on the alter for your glory, yeah if I have to walk this path without comrad nor companion for your glory, then I will. I count all things loss for your excellency. All things are loss for your glory. Selah!
So, I woke up late today. Well, I woke up at 6:30 am, but I wanted to get up at six. I took a shower, peeled the sun burnt skin off of my face, and after getting dressed for work, headed out the door. It was then that I read from the psalms, but I forgot exactly where I read from.
I arrived at breakfast and was surprised to see good food. I ate some artificial french toast (yum) as well as some artificial southern oat meal (all the southerns understand what I mean by that). After that I watched the news as they talked about a murder, the Democratic Convention in Boston and my friends debated politics for a while (fortunately it was not a heated one).
I went to work which mostly consisted of training the incoming replacement (I did not do this, but Katie did). That consisted of mostly boring details until the Mr. Cricket came by and scared half of the girls. After he was kidnapped inside of a glass cup (which entertained my friend Elizabeth) we later on threw him outside in order to spare his life (I wanted to flush him down the toilet but decided not to because of potential protests from the ladies).
What made today a highlight so to speak was when I found out one of the reasons that my friend Jenn was staying another year was because of me. My manager's manager told me this and I was touched a second time (the first was when she wrote me a card). That is a snap shot into my life and more will follow. Selah!
Story of the Day
Well, this one will be a sad one. According to an article on Google News 200 Israelis left France towards Israel because of the anti semitism. This angers me as rascism is something I loathe, regardless of origin. People who ignore the mistakes of the past are destined to repeat it. And we do not need another holocaust in this world. I have many friends, both Jewish and Arabic, who I feel are often discriminated against because of their background. This unjustice has to end. Selah.
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