Hidden Nook
"Because in Cyberspace, no one can hear you scream."
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Open Doors...
So guess what? The Daysman is awsome!
I see him opening doors for me that I thought would never open! His grace continues to mystify me to this day (as the first time I met him) and the speed and rate of answered prayer is incredible!
Well, I was talking to the Daysman about the future, nations I desire to head to, things I like to see at TM, and jobs I like to do. A desire of mine is to travel again to Israel, a nation that I love. I have loved this nation before I became a Christian (something he planted in my heart) and have loved it even more afterward. Ironically I use to be an athiest, and detested religion, but because of my love for the jewish culture I studied the old testament a lot (it was science that later convinced me of Daysman's existance, but that is another story).
Anyways, I see more and more open doors. But not every door that is open is an opportunity for me. I found out today (something that the Daysman has been laying on my heart) that the girl I wanted to pursue who although is in my opinion a great woman of God, has been...let me rephrase that. Basically Daysman said no to my choice and offered something better...but he has instructed me to wait. So...I am no longer blue but on the red team folks. Selah.
Well, work is going better, and I found out that I might have a friend stay on for another year at TM...but I can not give out that person's name. I think I am going to go back and have...what would you call it...a Higgaion (Quiet Time). Selah!
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Blue...
Yes it's true...
For those of you,
Who have a clue...
About the two
Color choices (woohoo)
I have officially switched to blue. Selah. ;)
Stress
So today was kinda rough...kinda. Basically it involved a skill that I am both great at and horrible at the same time--multi-tasking. Well, to tell you the truth, I felt like I was being pulled from a million different angles. There was things that I had to do for work, things I had to do for outside of work but it involved work, things going on at TM that I had to find out, planning out a future trip (hopefully with TM) and all the while encouraging team mates to keep persevering. It is kinda funny though...I have to just laugh at myself. I did not have a Higgaion today, and that is where the problem lies. Well, not a satisfactory one anyway.
There are many days I feel like leaving campus. I do not know whether it is pride, fear, hatred or restlessness--well, I'll go with the last one. But I feel like I am not reaching my potential here. I've learned so many other lessons just by being in this department, and I do not regret it. I love the interns here on campus (probably the biggest reason I did not just pack up everything and leave) especially the ones in my department and those who surround it. I think it is probably the only reason I stayed--ironically something that I never intended (I signed up for the job).
But...it is those relationships to me that are valuable. I don't think I will miss coming back to this campus...and I am not joking about that. I long to go home again, to be with family and caring friends again...to enjoy the company of other individuals again. Alas, I would continue, but I have to go to another class. I think I need a vacation...but that is what August 14th is for. Selah.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Gospel of John...
"This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all."
"If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth." ~1John1/5.6
Today in my Higgaion the Daysman revealed that I need to remove the darkness in my life...the darkness of pride before it destroys me...he is not asking that I remove my confidence...for that is of him but rather the pride in my ability. I must not place my confidence in my flesh...for it will ultimately fail.
"Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him."
"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world."
"And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: bu the that doeth the will of God abideth for ever." ~1John2/15.17
Daysman is encouraging me to continue to kill the desire for vanity and seek his desires instead. He is saying I have done a wonderful job with this and that I must continue to do so in order to complete my "culture escape." Selah.
"Hereby perceive we the love of God, becasue he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." ~1John3/16
A cool passage to put in that talks about self sacrifice.
"And whatsoever we ask we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight." ~1John3/22
Basically make sure every area of my life is done accourding to his will (job, home, xanga, ect.) and is pleasing to his will. By doing so this keeps channels clear and I may petition him for any help that I need. Selah.
Seek if you choose: 1John5/2.4 Selah!
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Higgaion
This is the weirdest Higgaion that I had with Daysman...here is how it goes.
We have these portfolio things we have to do at TM. Basically we have to chart mile stones in our year on campus, whether that be from a conversation, and event or from a Higgaion. Well, anyway, my Higgaion was not really in the Higgaion...it was rather outside of it (although I did find scriptures from the Higgaion to place in my portfolio). Anyways, I have been arguing with Daysman about whether to include a certain phase in my life...he said no...I said yes...he said it was not needed...I said it was desired...he said it would endanger my future...I said that is what faith was for. Anyway, I intended on adding it and decided not to...and he gave me something else instead.
The Daysman is so merciful. I have fallen so many times and yet he still rewards me. Today for instance I was able to invite my friend inside Gmail...which is really cool because I have been waiting to invite her for like...ever. He also is allowing me to discover what makes me tick for the first time. I discovered that I am a sanguine choleric (which is making sense). Selah!
Friday, June 25, 2004
So...
Well, it's kinda funny...I love xanga and all but I think the reason I'm falling more in love with blogger is because it is...centrally organized. Xanga can express my artistic side while Blogger expresses my organized side. Selah.
Umm...waiting...
I seem on the verge of a "transition" and all I can do is wait for it. Maybe I should go to sleep...maybe I shouldn't. But I am here just waiting like usual...for something to happen.
My friends got gmail accounts (mine is hiddennook@gmail.com) and with the mini network we have, we were able to hook them up. I am seeing if we can help several of my other friends receive accounts...just so we can stay in touch. Selah.
Well, I think as far as my plans to go to Israel, they are currently reduced to a two week excursion, but I am seeing if I can go to Japan for 4-6 weeks. That would be fun. I did not have my Higgaion yet but will try later on today...I just want to sleep. Fridays are so boring...life generally is. I think I am going to see what else Google has to offer. Selah.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Enlightened...
I feel like the LORD Daysman is wanting me to come back to TM...not for internship or staff (praise his name) but rather to help set up mission trips...real ones. Not the ones where you just go, have fun, and hang out and maybe tell of the Ancient of days. I'm talking about church planting. I think that if the ministry does not change, they will eventually become extinct like Harvard and Yale...former days of their glory. But...if they do head in this direction...what a great ministry that will be. Selah.
Today, in my Higgaion I discovered the "Law of Liberty." I think I like that philosophy. It's mentioned in James 1:25 and basically says, "But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed." I like it. Basically, the Law of Liberty is following the path that is not "most comfortable" or "convienent" but rather what will edify you in the long run--what will really help you out in life. That is why I like following the Daysman. Another part says in 1Cor10/23 "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not." That basically sums up the Law of Liberty. Oh well...I try to follow it to the best of my ability...living for the long haul. Selah.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Your awsome...
For who in the heaven can be compared unto the LORD? who among the sons of the mighty can be likened unto the LORD? ~Psa89/6
I beheld till the thrones were cast down, and the Ancient of days did sit, whose garment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like the pure wool: his throne was like the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire.
A fiery stream issued and came forth from before him: thousand thousands ministered unto him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him: the judgment was set, and the books were opened.
~Dan7/9.10
These phrases never fail to inspire me...especially in dark times. Selah!
Monday, June 21, 2004
Revelation...
It is just awsome to dwell in the LORD's presence. Daysman is awsome! I do not know whether the Lord was rewarding me for a sacrifice, or merely compensating. He is opening up doors and rearranging my life, my future, my essence around. He did it again today. My outlook on the future is becoming more clear. I hope he selects me as worthy to fulfill it.
Worshipping him is good. It is about the only thing that satisfies me. Friends are great...even TM friends. I know the only connection that we will have will be probably through Xanga. But I still envision myself acquiring those heading in a similiar direction. Selah.
My real portfolio is becoming larger. I am going to add two more sections to the "Second Wave" and reorganizing the "Third Wave." We will see how it looks. I have to do my HA portfolio still, but that should not take as long as I thought it would (I do not know if I would even keep it...Selah!).
The concert is about to start. I must go now...I'll check the news for more battles between Google and Yahoo. I wonder who will win? Who cares?! Daysman wins in the end. Selah!
New computer and the war...
So I received a new computer today. It is not exactly new, but it will do. I discovered something about myself...that the things I try to have in my life is opportunity and mobility.
Opportunity give me the freedom to exercise choices, calculate risk and tests my loyalty. When those are taken away I usually rebel (something I am quite an expert at).
I need mobility in order to exercise the opportunity given. Hope deferred makes the heart sick (pro13/12) when that happens, I either give up trying or rebel (am I noticing a pattern?).
=======================================================
On a seperate note I have narrowed down my favorite people groups...jewish, korean and Druzian. Selah!
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Joy...
Tonight we had the family of the girl who passed away. Her father is awsome and inspiring. He talked about being joyful and never losing that joy. I think it is an awsome testimony and pray that I would be able to have one that is similiar at my memorial. The Joy of the LORD is your strength. Selah!
Loose ends...
Today I spent time with Daysman wrapping up loose ends of my life. Have I been faithful at work? Not entirely and all the time (I have failed my manager many times and others) but I try to be loyal. I wonder how God will judge us? Some of us may end up being beggers in heaven. Will I be one?
On more important things, I went to the fellowship and taught the little kids today. A lesson was not provided for me so I talked about Daysman and how big he was. They were astonished and I think the training went well. Daysman would have been pleased.
Another friend is leaving the Academy today. They were dismissed. It's funny, the past two years here were hard and when people left I was not attached to them emotionally. Many of them had either deep acquantences or were in the "background" of life. This year it is those I care about who are leaving. I wish sometimes that I could leave...I usually desire it once a week. If it weren't for key friendships around me, I might have fallen to those evil suggestions.
Well, tomorrow is Monday, and I wonder what it will hold for me. I am changing computers, something at which I was first a little upset, but then relaxed. I don't think I will mind using the Gateway computers, and will enjoy the change of desks. Although I will be away from cool friends (Kiwi and China Girl) I think I will learn something from my new solitude.
It's kinda funny, I do not know whether I am an extravert or an intravert with extreme extrovert tendicies. There is so much I tell people about myself and so much I do not. Not even close friends (except for Daysman). That is how I have lived life and perhaps that is my ultimate fate. Selah.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Life...
Well, life is really good so far. I spent time with Daysman (Jesus) in prayer today. An acquantence was killed yesterday and although I did not know the person apparently many other friends of mine did. I hope they feel better!
Anyway, I have a huge desire to go to the Middle East as well as Japan. I think I might contact a couple of friends in both places. Japan is a safe place and if I play my cards right, I might get the opportunity to stay there for a month. I will see if the doors open for that! :)
Anyways, it is storming and my computer might get shut down...so I'll stop posting now. Selah!
~Hidden Nook~
PS
If you need an invite inside of the gmail email me at hiddennook@gmail.com . The first three are taken, but I am considering other offers (for free).
Friday, June 18, 2004
Gmail is here!
I have a free Gmail account thanks to some very cool friends! I have several invites but they are taken...I will let you know if I have anymore. Selah!
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